My boyfriend has been encouraging me to speak to a therapist lately. He knows that my eating disordered mind is not fully recovered, and now that I am taking the initiative to get better (not my parents or friends doing it for me) he wants me to talk to someone about it.

At first, I really didn’t like the idea of it. I wanted to put it behind me and go about things the way that I am. But I’m slowly realizing that my eating disordered past has a huge influence on me everyday. I think about every single calorie, and eat restrictively. I exercise daily, even when I’m hurting.I constantly question my appearance to my [often annoyed] boyfriend who has tried to convince me to no end that I am perfect. I feel bad because I know he cares a lot, but after a while it gets so tiring for him and it turns into a daily annoyance. I don’t want that to be the case, but he’s the closest person to me.

The difference is I am eating on a regular basis, and enjoy it. I love to have the energy to get a really good work out in, and I realize that eating afterwards actually improves the way that I look and my metabolism. (I’ve lost more weight consistently this past month then during a lot of the years I struggled with an eating disorder). I look forward to my meals. I’m not afraid to eat in public anymore. My end goal isn’t to constantly lose weight; I just want to exceed in my fitness goals. I feel like I’ve taken big steps in the right direction, and I don’t know if talking to someone about it will be triggering or helpful. 

What do you guys think?

My work out tonight was short because I still have a lot of work to do before I can go to sleep.

I did the elliptical for three and a half miles, and then did an arm circuit. Afterwards I ran a mile in 6 min. 35 sec. so I improved my time from yesterday by almost 20 seconds. Still not good compared to competitive runners, but it was a PR for me! 

I ate a lot today. I will admit it. When that time of the month rolls around it gets rough around here. I ate fruit and a salad for lunch, then went to take an exam. Later I snacked on some fiber plus cinnamon cereal which I bought at the store yesterday. I haven’t eaten anything like that in a long time, and although I love the way they taste, they make me feel weighed down afterward. I wont be making that purchase again any time soon. I then had another salad and fruit for dinner (but a smaller one because I had almost no appetite). Because I had no appetite but ate anyway, I felt like I betrayed what my body was telling me to do. I’ve been following my hunger signs very carefully the past month or so. I eat when I’m hungry (fruit or salad), and don’t when I’m not. Today, my boyfriend was headed to dinner so I decided to join him and get food. But I had no real desire to eat it, and did anyway. That made me feel kind of bad, but I didn’t want to be too hard on myself. 

Later, I went to the gym as I already described, and afterwards I had some more fruit and some more vegetables with some soft tofu. That’s when I really felt like I’d had too much. Oh well, I guess I’ll just have to start fresh tomorrow and really listen to what my body is telling me. 

Goodnight!

Yesterday I had a great workout. I went to the gym in the evening, and did the elliptical for four miles. Then, because all of the treadmills were full, I moved onto weights. I did a difficult arm circuit, then did some leg work, and finally I did a huge ab workout. I am so sore today, and I haven’t felt this way in a while. I knew as I was doing the work out that I was going to feel it today because I got that deep burn. It was great! I did tuck-up crunches (25), then balance ball crunches (25) then side crunches (25/side) then bicycle crunches (50) and then plank hold (30 sec to 1 min). I repeated the whole thing four times. Then I headed back into the gym and ran a mile on the treadmill for a last little work out. I wasn’t trying for a good time, but ended up coming in at 6 min 52 seconds (which I know isn’t fast for a mile run) but at the end of the workout, without trying to get a good time, I was pleasantly surprised that it felt so effortless. Anyway, today I feel awful. I took a nap, but still can’t manage to pull myself together. I’m going to head to the gym a little later and hopefully I’ll be able to get something done. In the meantime, I have to work on some papers for tomorrow :( 

Happy Monday!

Good morning everyone (or afternoon/evening depending on where you are in the world)!

I hope everyone is having a great day. Just wanted to send out some good vibes. If you’re down on yourself, or think you’ve already screwed up for the day, remember it’s not over yet! You can still had to the gym, or do an exercise routine in your room. There are plenty of videos on youtube (yoga, ab work outs, aerobic work outs, etc) to guide you through if you need an extra boost. Or go for a walk/jog/run outside and enjoy yourself! Call a friend to go with you, and catch up! Eat a healthy dinner, maybe even find a new recipe that sounds fun that you can try!

I hope everyone has a wonderful, healthy day! 

Much love

So much pain!! I think the shin splints are beginning to set in, and my knees definitely need some outside support. I guess this is why you’re not supposed to train hard everyday, but it’s like an addiction for me! 

I ran five miles today, but it was a struggle. Then I did weights. 

I feel like I ate too much today. I had some fruit, a salad, and a potato medly (some sweet potatoes and things like that). I had about 3/4 cup of baked potato chunks. Then I had some more fruit for a snack, and later had an apple, tofu with cucumbers, sunflower seeds and kidney beans (1 cup, cold) and 1/2 cup of refriend beans with fresh salsa. I think I added too many things that were outside of my normal diet because I felt really slow at the gym and don’t feel that great right now. I feel weighed down. The good news is, tomorrow is a new day! More fruit and salad for me!!

Also, my Professor cancelled the one class that I have tomorrow, so I have a free day! I think I’ll probably just do some homework, and maybe hit the gym twice if my legs can handle it. 

Goodnight!

Yesterday I decided not to go to the gym. I actively sat down and thought about pros and cons because it’s incredibly difficult for me to convince myself not to go. I did so because my knees and ankles have been extremely painful the last few runs I’ve taken, and I want to make sure that I don’t push them to an injury (because then I’ll be completely out of luck). I’m definitely headed to the gym today, and hopefully my legs will feel fresh from a day off. I ate a small bowl of pasta yesterday, but didn’t particularly enjoy it and felt guilty afterwards. I’d rather just stick to salad and fruit, feel full, and not guilty than push myself to eat other things. I don’t encourage this type of diet for those who are trying to build muscle because a lot more calories are required to do so. Like I say in my “about me” section, I am recovering and taking things slow. I am proud with the fact that I’m eating on a daily basis IN PUBLIC. That’s a big step for me compared to a year ago when I was hiding in my room at night, eating when there was no one around (and not on a daily basis). Anyway, that’s my plan for today. I’m really hoping that I’ll be able to get a good work out in today. 

I hope everyone is having a great day! 

Yay for two-a-days!! 

I went back to the gym and ran two more miles in just under 14 minutes, and then did some arm, chest and ab work outs. I did a tiny bit of legs, but something is going on with my knee and I couldn’t handle it. I think I’m going to get a brace for it in the next couple of days if it doesn’t feel better. And maybe buy new running shoes, because there’re a lot of miles on the ones I have now. 

I ate some more fruit, and some more salad. Pretty late night eating, but I burned over a thousand calories at the gym today and I had eaten around 200 calories total. I figured it wouldn’t hurt to eat a little more. My boyfriend made a pizza after his workout (with tons of veggies, and vegan crust) and gave me some bites of the crust because I was craving carbs. I only ate a few bites, but it was weird having the “bread” sensation in my mouth. I realized that I’ve only been eating raw food the past few weeks with a couple of exceptions, so it’s really weird when I switch it up at all. I might go for some whole grain pasta tomorrow night with my own homemade tomato sauce (fresh tomatoes, reduced with 1/4 cup water, garlic, balsamic vinegar, and a tiny drop of olive oil). I sometimes mix some vegan pesto in with it to add some basil-y flavor. I haven’t had pasta since studying abroad last semester, though, and I don’t know if I want to break the routine I have going now. I think I’ll probably end up just getting a salad, but we’ll see. If I’m not absolutely craving something besides salad, I’ll just stick to it!

Nothing much more to report. I’m working on some homework tonight, and hoping to get to bed earlier than last night (3 am). I was tossing and turning and couldn’t fall asleep. I know that getting enough sleep is an integral part of losing weight, and lowering stress levels so I want to make sure that I’m covering all the bases. 

Today I went to the gym and ran three miles. That’s it. I’ve been having a lot of join pain recently, and it gets magnified when I run. Especially my knees. It’s painful to walk down the stairs. I think I’ll invest in a knee brace. But in the meantime, I’m headed back to the gym in a little less than an hour to make sure I get at least five miles in for the day (2 more to go), and some weights. 

For food today I’ve had some salad, and fruit. It’s turned into such a routine that it would be weird to add anything else. Every once in a while I’ll get some sweet potatoes, or refried beans if I’m craving something warm but that happens just once or twice a week. I have no idea how long this will last, but the pounds are melting off of me. Well at least it feels like it. I don’t have a scale, so I don’t know how much I weigh but my clothes are baggy on me. My pants dont fit at all. Even when they are straight out of the dryer. It’s nice to feel like I’m getting results from all the work I put in everyday!

On another note, tomorrow is Valentines Day! I’m excited to have a romantic evening with my boyfriend. 

Much love!

Work out for the day:

Today I ran four miles in a little under 30 minutes, and then did weights for another 45 minutes to an hour. My knee was bothering me, so I opted to do more weight training instead of pushing it on the treadmill. 

I ate two small salads today and some fruit. Not much eating going on, but I was really busy with school work. 

Goodnight world!

I notice that a lot of girls are supplementing diet sodas for food because it fills them up without calories. Here is an interesting article I found that basically discredits that approach to dieting claiming that diet sodas may contribute to weight gain. You’re way better off eating celery, lettuce, cucumbers, etc if you really want low calories. 

http://healthland.time.com/2011/06/29/studies-why-diet-sodas-are-no-boon-to-dieters/

Double work out today! Just got back from the gym. I did about an hour of weight training, and ran a mile just to warm up my muscles so I don’t pull anything. That brings my total to 7 miles ran today, and about an hour of weights. I worked pretty much all muscle groups tonight:

-leg press 140lbs+bar (3 sets of 15)

-calf raises on the leg press machine 140lbs+bar (3 sets of 10)

-lat. raises 8 lbs (arms) (3 sets of 10)

-bicep curls 12 lbs (3 sets of 20)

-tricep extensions 25 lbs (3 sets of 15)

-back extensions 25 lbs (3 sets of 15)

-roman chair (hanging leg raises) (3 sets of 10)

-stability ball crunches (2 sets of 20)

-squats with shoulder press (20 reps)

-hip adductors 40lbs (3 sets of 25)

-hip abductors 60lbs (3 sets of 25)

-standing oblique cruch 35lbs (3 sets of 15 on each side)

Hooray work out! Now time for homework… damn

Six mile run this evening (in about 46 minutes). It felt really easy, but I was in a rush so I couldn’t stay longer. It’s amazing how quickly the turn around has been for me. It’s encouraging me to go harder and harder every time I hit the gym. I’m shooting for at least two weeks without a break, so I have to keep track on here to make sure I know what I’ve done everyday! I’m also returning to the gym in a couple of hours to get in my weights session and core workout! 

The gym becomes an addiction once it’s set in a daily routine. If I don’t go, I think about it all day and have trouble falling asleep at night. I have to go. I love the endorphins and sense of accomplishment. 

Anyway, I just wanted to log my miles for the day!