My boyfriend has been encouraging me to speak to a therapist lately. He knows that my eating disordered mind is not fully recovered, and now that I am taking the initiative to get better (not my parents or friends doing it for me) he wants me to talk to someone about it.
At first, I really didn’t like the idea of it. I wanted to put it behind me and go about things the way that I am. But I’m slowly realizing that my eating disordered past has a huge influence on me everyday. I think about every single calorie, and eat restrictively. I exercise daily, even when I’m hurting.I constantly question my appearance to my [often annoyed] boyfriend who has tried to convince me to no end that I am perfect. I feel bad because I know he cares a lot, but after a while it gets so tiring for him and it turns into a daily annoyance. I don’t want that to be the case, but he’s the closest person to me.
The difference is I am eating on a regular basis, and enjoy it. I love to have the energy to get a really good work out in, and I realize that eating afterwards actually improves the way that I look and my metabolism. (I’ve lost more weight consistently this past month then during a lot of the years I struggled with an eating disorder). I look forward to my meals. I’m not afraid to eat in public anymore. My end goal isn’t to constantly lose weight; I just want to exceed in my fitness goals. I feel like I’ve taken big steps in the right direction, and I don’t know if talking to someone about it will be triggering or helpful.
What do you guys think?